This week it was parents’ evening. It isn’t actually called that any more, it’s called ‘Parents’ Consultations’ these days, which is more accurate I guess, but kinda irritating too, if you know what I mean. But old habits and all that, so it is still known as parents’ evening in this house.
Now, last time I went to a parents’ evening I left in tears, and that was with my man as back-up, so there was a little bit of trepidation going on. The husband is away for work in Dusseldorf this week so I’m solo parenting. I spoke to him last night and he was in his crappy little hotel room eating takeaway pizza as the hotel ‘don’t do dinner’. Sounds pretty bleak and I don’t feel too jealous this time (although all that alone time, even with nothing but German TV and a pizza box for company, still sounds pretty good to me).
First appointment was with M’s teacher. The first parents’ evening for new starters is kinda pointless in a way and once we’d both said how happy she is and how well we think she is doing, there wasn’t a lot left to say. It was good to be reassured that everything is as positive in the classroom as M says it is though, and I was presented of lots of pictures is her getting stuck into everything, with Best Mate glued to her side. M and Best Mate are utterly inseparable but I’ve been reassured they have a very mature relationship for their age and don’t get jealous of other friends muscling in. I’m delighted they have each other to be honest. Best Mate is a really lovely little girl too, which helps.
I was amused to hear the teacher say M was “coming out of her shell now”. I know she can be shy with new people but she is just so full of her little self at home, I can’t imagine her being retiring for the first three weeks, as she apparently was. Mrs Reception sounded a little surprised when she said, “She actually has a bit of a cheeky side, doesn’t she?” Er, yeah. I should say so.
So, all good with our M. Next was the reason for my trepidation, my dear little H. I always have an appointment with the Special Education Needs lady who oversees the extra support H has so I saw her first. She said he was “just about keeping his head above water in class”, which was my only lump in throat moment. She had meant it as a positive but images of my little lad nearly drowning under a sea of spellings and times tables flooded my head.
She went on to tell me about the ‘interventions’ they have in place, to help him out with his spelling, handwriting and maths. He is going to have one afternoon a week of blitz time, to really target the areas he struggles with. Apparently Mrs SEN asked H whether he would like to spread these intervention sessions out over the week or do them all at once and he opted for the latter, saying it would be easier for him to learn that way and more fun. I could just hear him saying that in the adorably earnest little voice he uses when he knows he is being asked something important.
Final appointment was H’s new class teacher. While I waited for her to be free, I chatted and fell about laughing with one of the other Mums about inappropriate crying at these meetings, which I like to think helped ward off any possible repeat performance of tears and snot all over the teacher’s desk.
Miss Year 3 is just wonderful. I knew that before I even met her because H fell in love with her on first contact and has raved about her ever since. She is softly spoken and incredibly kind. I suspect she might have given me a big hug if I had started inappropriately snivelling on her. But I didn’t. There was no need.
The first thing she said to me was “Ah, H, he is just lovely“. And I could tell she really meant it. She didn’t start with his spider handwriting or his poor grasp of maths. It was just how damn lovely he is. She went on to say how polite and positive he is too. It was only after telling me how wonderful my boy is that we got to the things he needs to work on and his tendency to daydream, totally failing to take in instructions until the second or third reading, but even that was discussed with affection.
It is incredible how two parents’ evening experiences can be so dramatically different but I left with dry eyes, a smile on my face and a skip in my step. The mountain is still there to be climbed but I felt like we have a great, caring team of climbers around us, pulling on the ropes to help us up.
Being told that the kid you worry about, struggle with daily and work so hard with “has so many good qualities that he is bound to find his niche” is just the best thing ever. Not that I don’t know all this stuff deep down, of course. I know that he is bright and wonderful and unique but that the rigid school system doesn’t suit him too well right now. I know that he will find his place and that we aren’t there just yet. But me feeling all that and being told it by someone teaching him every day are very different things.
Miss Year 3 has only been teaching my boy for a few short weeks and in that time she has really got the measure of him. I left wanting to cry but for all the right reasons this time. I thought about hugging her but that would have been a bit weird so I resisted.
So, we have a plan for H, both at school and at home as we have a new tutor we are starting with after half term. So, we push on but don’t push too hard. He is only seven, after all. Be patient, encouraging and patient some more. Easier said than done much of the time, when his head is elsewhere and you have to ask the same question three times. But I will keep trying really hard to help in a way that works for him, because this is important stuff. And it is all new for both of us.
I dare say H will continue to be the one I worry about and M will continue to breeze through but who knows what will happen in future. And number 3 hasn’t even got started yet. God help us all when that little whirlwind hits the school. I wonder what his teachers will have to say…..