Why I Write

So, it seems I have been nominated for a Daydreamer Award.  Don’t get excited.  It isn’t really an ‘award’ as such.  There will be no shiny bronze sculpture adoring my mantelpiece and no acceptance speech is required, as far as I can tell.  Nope, basically a lovely reader and fellow blogger, V and Me, has liked what I’ve written and put me forward for a sort of blog challenge, if you like.

It is still a bit of a shock to me that I have any readers beyond my immediate family and friends so it was lovely to hear that someone was reading my stuff and enjoying it.  So, thank you to V and Me for the nomination.

I’ll be totally honest, I still rank amongst the blogging clueless and, at only three months into my blogging journey, it has only just occurred to me to start making my site look a bit more interesting, with various links and things.  I’m not a technophobe by any means but the blogging world has it’s own rather daunting language and I am only very slowly getting to grips with it.  Hell, it has taken me three months to work out how to add my Twitter feed to this page.  I hope you all appreciate my efforts.  Doesn’t it look pretty?

The blogosphere seems to me to be rather like a club that has all sorts of conventions and traditions that look like fun but are pretty off-putting when you have no idea how to join in.  So, whilst I’m enjoying the journey so far, I feel totally out of my depth most of the time and verge between desperately wanting to be a part of it all and wanting nothing more than to bury my head in the sand and just do my own thing in my comfortable bubble.

So, time to take the plunge and pop out of that bubble with the Daydreamer Award and a bit of blog interaction.  The challenge I’ve been set is to explain what it is that makes me sit down and hammer out my thoughts, experiences and stories in my blog.  A very good question.  Why do I spend time recording random musings about the three small people in my life?  I have so little free time as it is, yet I choose to spend what I have in writing my thoughts and sending them out into the ether.

It certainly isn’t because I see myself as a frustrated writer: I’m not someone who has always thought there was a book inside me waiting to come out.  Neither do I see myself as anything like an expert on kids or parenting.  I really don’t want to become one of those parents, telling everyone else what they are doing wrong and how I do it much better.

I think the reason I am loving writing this blog – and I really do love it – is that it is an outlet.  It lets me pour out the deep, deep feelings I have for my adorable, frustrating, wonderful and infuriating brood. Parenting can be a horribly lonely business and, whilst I have a fantastic network of supportive friends and family, there are still many hours at home surrounded by tiny voices nagging, crying and arguing.  I freely admit that it gets to me in a way that can feel very oppressive and relentless.  Rather than internalise all the feelings that being the only adult in a world populated by little ones stirs up, it helps me to know that I have somewhere to put them.  I’ve done the internalising for years and it pretty much sucks (and leads to big phone bills while I pour my problems out to my poor Mum).  Having this blog is incredible therapeutic and much cheaper than a therapist.

It is also the first time in many years where I feel like I am creating something.  It may be nothing to write home about but there are words on a page, placed there by me.  It isn’t for work and it isn’t for my kids.  It is for me and anyone who cares to read it. I’ve not created anything for me for about a decade and it is very satisfying.  And, if my words touch someone else, to make them laugh or feel they are not so alone, then that is a pretty amazing bonus.

Life is all about balance, something that can be in very short supply for many parents of young kids, but especially for the one who takes on the primary carer role.  It is why us Mums totally overdo it when we go for ‘a quick drink’.  We are released from the role of parent for a short time and have to cram in as much of that feeling of freedom and being just ourselves as we possibly can.  Often with rather messy consequences (you know who you are, ladies).

This blog bring back the balance without the hangover.  I don’t know how many readers I will have as the months go by and I guess it doesn’t really matter, as long as the words on the page continue to mean something.

There are no words to express just how much I adore my children.  For all the other stuff I feel for them, there are plenty of words it seems, and now feels like the right time to let them flow.

Now, onto the next bit of the Daydreamer Award.  I have to nominate some fellow bloggers to take up the challenge.  I’m going to play it safe and nominate some dear friends who also happen to write fantastic blogs.  My challenge to these ladies is to describe the best and worst things about parenting.  Good luck!

Mannoirs

 The Year to Forty and Beyond